I feel terribly left out in the cold. I wish someone would have warned me how lonely and hard this would be, how much control I would give up. I have put my hands, my families happiness and my dreams in the hands of strangers on another continent.
Still no news from the Kyrgyz government if, or if not, adoptions will commence.
We are supposed to be number two for a boy on the adoption list but I don't know if I believe it. I don't know if I can take it. Wait wait wait.. and what for more disappointment? More pain? No one really cares but us .. not really. We are just another family on a long list. If we had the choice of a more stable country don't you think we would have taken it? When we started with Vietnam, adoptions were open and going... when we started with Kyrgyzstan adoptions were open and going.
Now every thing is up in the air once more. My life is a mess. I cry daily and worry hourly. Will I have to start over again? Have I put my family through useless pain. After all, adoption comes from my family not my husbands.. and my daughter, will be a single child once more next christmas.
There is never an end. I have to renew all of my paperwork and I haven't the energy or desire to prolong my pain. I feel... empty and used.